Today, I saw pictures of him becoming a couple with his best friend. And at first, I felt a bit sad. But it was so fleeting. The next overwhelming feeling? I felt glad for them. Glad because I know how much he cares about her, and how their friends had always said that they would be good for each other but she was with another guy at that time. And glad because they match each other well, and each can provide what the other needs. I don’t feel bitter at all towards him or her. I know she’s an inspiring girl, and I know he’s an extremely caring guy. They deserve all the happiness in the world together.
But the best part of it all? Is realizing that I’ve let go. That I’ve managed to get over my ego and realize that love and dating aren’t a competition about who is better or not. That things aren’t meant to be taken personally, because everyone is amazing in their own way and different people need different qualities in their significant other. I didn’t fit those qualities for him, but that doesn’t make me the “loser,” and it doesn’t make her the “winner.” It just means that while he and I didn’t fit together, there’s a whole puzzle box of other pieces that may match perfectly with me.
Today, I had lunch with a guy who’s been asking me out for a while. Attractive, smart, funny, motivated, chivalrous. Also was the “type” I was attracted to in college..the extroverted frat boy and break dancer (sigh that “bad boy look” phase..). We talked for hours and got along really well, but I realized our values don’t match at all. Neither do our interests necessarily. And you know what? I’ve learned what I want and need from a relationship, and although he may be what I’m attracted to, he isn’t what I need. I don’t think I can make him truly happy, and I don’t think he could for me. It doesn’t make him any less great of a guy. He just isn’t right for me, but he will be for some lucky girl out there. And I’m letting him go with all the hope that he will find her.
I wish dating wasn’t taken so personally. It’s not a competition. I’m learning to be happy for others, and to realize that really what’s getting in the way is pride. Dating should not be selfish. It’s not a game of collecting or accumulating more suitors. People aren’t possessions with emotions to toy with. On the other hand, there’s no need to be upset when you’re rejected. Or to feel less valuable. It doesn’t mean that the other person doesn’t think you’re an amazing individual. It just means that they valued you enough to set you free to find the one who could truly make you happy.